Shane takes the 2016 Hole in One!!!

Shane Rush, an organic farmer from the Karangahake Gorge area has taken the 2016 Hole in One in partially controversial circumstances. Hanging up his golf clubs in 2011 to raise lentils in the Gisborne region, Shane had been struck off the NZ Golf register only to return in 2016 with a Pending handicap which he magically converted into a 20. Using an age old method of sitting outside his local Bunnings on a Saturday afternoon whilst sipping an organic shake infused with the sperm of an organic Yak, Shane had an epiphany and 17 became 20. Despite this controversy and following an inquisition by a Court of his peers, Shane and his fellow controvert, Smith, were found ‘not guilty’ of handicap fraud and bringing the sanctity and good name of this tournament into question. A resounding ‘what a bunch of cunts you all are’ was the only comment Shane could muster after the decision was reached in a packed kitchen...

Meanwhile back on the greens, Shane shook off this controversy to deliver a knock out punch on the final day and see off the fast finishing duo of Marty and Scott.  The two competitors at this years tournament who at 3am on Saturday morning were deemed to be look more like Gollum and Smeagol in real life than any other competitors trying to get their hands on the Precious.

Ant Healey takes the dishonourable Dildo Baggins award for 2016 for the fewest Stabies collected during the 3 days play. His playing only one round out of the three available proving to be a masterclass in shit decision making.

Full field results to come

The Honours Board

- Well organised Spid, great accommodation and smooth running made for a hassle free tourney.
- The ‘I didn’t do it but I still got yelled at’ award goes to Spid and Pete for taking the heat from the victim of Adi’s wayward tee shot on the 5th.
- The consistently inconsistent golf award goes to Trev for backing up his 18 stabies with a 36..
- The generally most mannered participant and helpful round the house award goes to Marc. Total gentleman.
- The ‘my little pony’ award for sleeping in a child's pink bedroom and bunk and allegedly feeding the chickens whilst in said location goes to the shabby Ben Pegler..
- The ‘useless one testicled cunt award' for talking too much during the All Blacks game goes to Adi
- The ‘great big baby going to bed early’ award goes to the Seagull
- The ‘race relations conciliator’ award for no Maori’s allowed on our golf carts goes to Peter Tai
- The ‘show us on the teddy where he touched you’ goes to Raysan who was violated by Darcy in the bushes on 4th fairway
- The ‘felking’ award for penis enlargement goes to Darcy
- The ‘I’ve got a job on Friday’ award goes to Trev

Right bitches. Peter Tai is organising next years tourney.