Marc backs up with victory in a playoff in the 2018 HIO!

Marc Lesch, a Green Party fundraiser and Hauraki District Macarena champion 2003 has held off a fast finishing Smith, a Tinder and Bumble enthusiast from Whangamata in the final moments of this years Hole in One. Smith had Marc on the ropes and could have taken the tourney with a relatively simple putt on the first playoff hole, but an on-rush of substantial sphincter tightening distracted the great man and sent his putt flying past the hole. Marc didn't need a second chance and calmly finished Smith off sending him back to the Coromandel to continue working on the Poon Fund.

The 2018 Hole in One kicked off in shambolic fashion as it became apparent that no one had paid any attention to the 1st days tee off time and ensured their travel was booked to arrive late. This commitment to being shit continued for much of the weekend and everyone contributed to a masterclass of toddler like ability to wander off and do whatever the fuck suited them.

Day One results continued the tradition of playing for pole position of room selection only to arrive at the accommodation to discover that there were no winnable rooms and everyone was going to have to put up with some snoring cunt. Not since Spid woke everyone up at 7am at the Cambridge 'Open' has there been such a committed effort to ensure that no one would enjoy a good nights sleep.

Day two was shit weather. Windy and a bit rainy. Enough that half the team decided to fuck golf and go to the RSA. Snooker was played, horses were bet on and food was consumed in warmth and comfort. A visit to Smiths old man added to a pleasant afternoon of convivial company.
The golf at Paraparaumu to all accounts was also terrific, despite the challenging conditions and all the return players seemed to enjoy their round.

Anyway, no one died, attitudes developed, recriminations were traded and faster than you can say Jacinda has got big fat sausage legs, the boys were all back at base enjoying a few quiet beverages to finish the evening and ensure that they had plenty of snore time to annoy everyone with.

Sunday and the sun shone and the boys headed to Boulcott, less hungover and with steely motivation to bring glory upon themselves. Conditions were favourable and a tsunami of stapies were scored, including a round high 41 by Scott, a Pubic Hair analyst from Waihi.

The playoff was a cracker, and reminded everyone that our Drinking weekend away with the boys could be a golf weekend too.

Congratulations to Marc for organising this bakers dozen of shabbiness. Congratulations to Marc for winning the tournament again, well played.


Wall of Shame.

The 'if my wife doesn't remember' then fucked if I will award for not bring the fucking Precious to the only place its supposed to be every year goes to - Marc

The 'omigod I've been 'triggered and need a safe space' award for not being able to handle that their fangirl has got fat sausage legs award goes to - Ben and Steve

The Air Vladivostok award for inability to book a flight home that remotely correlates to the time I am available to board the fucking plane award goes to - Spid

The IHC award for lacking the cerebral matter to be able to understand simple instructions or communicate accurate instructions to any other human being - Darcy

The Dildo Baggins award for extreme level of shitness at golf - Steve

The Damo and Darren award for calling everyone a cunt goes to - Adi

The Sleep Deprivation award for ruinous levels of fucking snoring like a cunt goes to - Smith and Raysan

The 'unbelievably not controversial' award for being unbelievably not controversial - Scott

The 'eyes in the back of his head' award for being able to tell you what happened on a snooker table whilst facing in the complete opposite direction - Marty