Ben Pegler leads from start to finish as the HIO hits Queenstown!

Ben Pegler, a BLM and transgender rights advocate from Auckland smashes the field to win the 2020 Hole in One held at 3 amazing course in the Queenstown district. The great man who refuses to ride in a golf cart or wear long trousers, even in chilly conditions proved once and for all that every cat has its day.

 The tourney started controversially when the serial stand by traveller from Waihitia, reigning champion Peter Tai (and Raysan) arrived early to the tourney to claim a single bedroom. How Pete managed to get on the plane with the excess baggage of a legitimate handicap is a mystery to everyone. The Fuhrer had cleverly assessed his arrival time to be more than enough to stake a claim for said above mentioned rooms and was Fuhrerous to discover that his neighbours from South South Whangamata had guzzumped his claim.

Friday it rained, the kind of rain that normal people do not go and play golf in. Milbrook was the perfect rain covered rich cunts ghetto to kick off the tourney. Many of us didn't mind the rain. Most of us did. Gash golf unfolded all over the course, Darcy nearly shat himself, the sound of cunts wailing like Sméagol could be heard in all directions. But through this Ben and Conrad emerged with 41 and 40 stabies respectively, amazing performance in the shite of the weather.

Friday night was party night and along with some goodies the boys piled into the beers and enjoyed the best of the view from the deck. Off to the pub for some beers and a bite then out into the night for many of us. At some stage Spid, Bob, The Fuhrer and Adi arrived at a mint club full of dancing yoof and good vibes. Then it happened, an attractive 20 something chick peeled away from the pack and got herself a major Adi crush, touching and twerking her way all over his campaign. Thankfully despite being quite fucked up, Adi recognised the alert level of this amorous engagement and managed to extricate himself from her grasp, Manon swooping in and rescuing her father as all good daughters ought to do. Clearly the young lady was only human and Adi's peak level of irresistibility was too much for her to hold back. Honorable mention to the Fuhrer for grabbing her ass, clearly the Fuhrer has no respect for boundaries and this was to be no exception.

Saturday and off to Arrowtown to discover that being hungover and trying to hit a narrow fairway is not for everyone, nearly not for anyone. The boys shabbed up the entire course, produced fuck all good golf, Marty the exception. Dave in his inaugural tourney and having chucked out a donut needed a great score on Saturday but came in hot with a 16, dangerously close to the ultimate Dildo Baggins award, long coveted and held by Darcy.

Friday night saw the entire crew enjoy some fine dining in a private setting at the Bunker. Great wine, delicious food and a general good vibe was enjoyed. At this stage the sensible amongst us left the building and headed home for a good kip before hitting the challenge of Jacks. No one told this to the Seagull and Pete who amongst others got heavily fucked up and ultimately had Sunday golf to forget or not at all...

Jacks Point was resplendent in sunshine as we arrived. The rebel tour had kicked off earlier. As we drove past Pete and his grey pallor it became instantly clear that this was not going to be his day. He actually played like a pro for the first 8 holes before a cloud of gash golf descended upon him and his campaign derailed in the true traditions of hungover hell. 

Jacks was beautiful, spectacular, pick your superlative, but the boys were more laxative than superlative. The shite of nearly everyone's golf was testimony to the fine traditions of driving oneself off a cliff in the lead up to the big match. But Ben managed to do it again. Quietly cruising around the course in auto-pilot mode and his metronomic swing doing the biz.

So a massive congratulations to Ben, well deserved and worthy winner. Huge thank you to Queenstown for being such a beautiful place to hang out, friendly locals, twerkers, Ferg everything....

Thanks to the Rebels for coming down and making it a 16 man tourney, fucking epic. Big welcome to Dave and Ryan for joining the shambles, hope to see you at the next one.

Wall of Shame.

The Tourettes award for saying shit that you aren't really allowed to say goes to Bob for his Shakespearean contribution to the bar lady at Atlas, "she looks like she knows where all the cocks and balls are"

The WAP award for being too irresistible to women half is age goes to Adi.

The fucker upper of campaigns to the detriment of the very purpose of being in Queenstown award goes to the Seagull himself!

The any snoring Smith can do, I can do better award goes to the Sickman himself!

The optimism in the face of a tsunami of gash golf award goes to newcomer Dave.

The greyest Maori this side of a statue award goes to Pete.

Great weekend boys, thanks for all making the effort to come and play, was a ripper! See you at the Open.