Marc gets the job done on the 18th to see off the Jeckyl and Hyde of golf, invader of nations and channeler of vaginal energy aka The Fuhrer. In a tourney that controversially removed the best 2 rounds ruling, there was no surprise that victory went to one of the few actually fully formed adults in the event.
The event got off to a shaky start with organiser supremo Scott Spicer, an ACT party fundraiser from Waihi decided that at this years tournament he'd like no one to come. Launching possibly one of the least charm offences ever seen in golf tourney organisation, he managed to wound the entire field before closing the books. Thankfully there are many aspects to Scotty and the devil got off his shoulder to be replaced by more saintly and user friendly Scott, the one we all like staying up talking shit with. Nek minute the red carpet has been dusted off and a field of 20 assembled to challenge for the greatest of average golf tourneys.
Day one will be most memorable for the 17 stabies Adi scratched together in what was his own personal festival of gash golf. On the positive side of the table Marc, Graeme, Fuhrer and Mitch turned in competitive numbers to be in contention heading into Day 2.
The biggest problem in golf tournaments is that Day 2 follows Night 1. Night 1 has a habit of shabbiness that has hung around like the stench of a bad fart since forever. A very pleasant dinner where everyone didn't get to see the alleged Laotian goddess of Waihi, just her nanna who served to show that Laotian goddesses have a fleeting moment in the sun. Back to Scotts where the true spirit of the Hole in One was on display as early front-runner Graeme got toasted as a very toasted person gets. Thus ultimately probably fucking up his tourney right there and then, well played Graeme. Several other spiritless and desperate cunts didn't do the mahi and vanished off for a good nights sleep because when you have no conscience it frees up space for carrying stabies in your black heart....
Day 2 was difficult if you were Scott or Adi because they stayed up like true contenders don't.
Paeroa, famous for a diabetic inducing sugary shit show with lemon allegedly an ingredient turns out to have a hidden gem of a golf course. Marc, Mitch, Fuhrer and Graeme finished the day at the top of the field whilst everyone else bungled their way around. Wonky scored well despite spending 4 hours in a cart with Parko, good cunt but also one of golfs most famous distractions. Adi operated a strong 2 shit strategy that ultimately failed, Bob got Karen'd by the Karens behind us.
If there is one thing the Fuhrer knows is vaginas. So finding ourselves under the same room at the RSA as a group of 46 aging vaginas was always going to have an impact on that inner something that helps him go from shambolic to sensational on a golf course. There has and never will be another human who can be the utter dregs of hell on a golf course for the first 4 holes before smashing 36 plus stabies on the remaining holes, it's just not possible. But the Fuhrer does it again and again.
Day 3 at Waihi was memorable for the burning anus suffered by Wonky which derailed any chance he had of competing for the title. That's arguably the only thing of interest that happened to anyone on course except for Marc and the Fuhrer, although the mad Tui's on the back nine were amazing. The title went down to the wire and Marc go the job done, well done that man there.
Was a rad weekend, thanks Scotty for organising and being an ace host, great time was enjoyed by all.
Honours
The Huggies award for not making it to the designated shitter in time goes to Marty
The Johnny Cash award for a literal Ring of Fire goes to Wonky.
The Becky's Bleached Anus award for song-writing goes to Bob
Hole in One winner and great golfer goes to Marc
The Dildo Baggins award for shitter than shit golf goes to Adi.
NB: The decision has been made to anchor the HIO at the Dunes in Matarangi for a spell, see you there next hear.
Mitch is organising the Open.
No comments:
Post a Comment